The Burden of Soul Mates
by klchoi
Summary: Usagi and Mamoru learn to deal with the burden of true love at young ages. Mamoru's need to be regarded as controlled, and Usagi's low self-esteem threatens to tear apart a love that's survived over a millennium.
1. Chapter 1

The story takes place after the Doom Tree. I hope you enjoy this!

I do not own Sailor Moon.

Usagi smoothed her hands down her skirt, and nibbled on her bottom lip. A light breeze blew her hair in front of her face, and she impatiently brushed them back with trembling hands. Her heart thudded painfully against her chest as she scanned Tokyo University's quad. Resisting the urge to pace, she leaned firmly against a large tree. She glanced around the quad again before letting her head fall back against the tree in exasperation.

"This so stupid," muttered Usagi. Her friend's voices echoed as she wondered if she should abandon this plan.

_ "Odango, I don't it's a good idea." A twinge of worry softened Rei's usually sharp, violet eyes. "You should just wait."_

_ "Well!" Mina's hands banged down on the table. "I think it's a great idea! You guys are in love! L – O – V – E! Love!" _

_ Lita giggled, and chimed, "I'm with the goddess of love over here. Usagi-chan, he loves you. He'll be ecstatic!"_

_ Ami glanced over from the top of her book, and shook her head. "I actually agree with Rei this time. This may turn out to be more trouble for him and you." _

_ Usagi nodded, and looked down at her hands. "I know guys. I just … I just really need to this. To keep me sane." _

She fiddled with her skirt as she looked over Tokyo University's campus again. Mamoru and her have been dating a little over six months now, and though it had been wonderful she couldn't help but notice that something was missing. When they weren't out on a date, they were at his apartment, or with her friends. He was a large part of her life. Unfortunately, it seemed that she was not a part of _his_ life. She had asked him over and over again if she could perhaps meet his friends. But no matter how many different ways she asked, the answer was always the same.

_"Mamoru, wouldn't it be nice if we could have a dinner party with some of your friends?" _

_"Usako, all of my friends are extremely busy. They all have jobs and classes. They really don't have time to just hang out. But I'll see what I can do about it."_ Then, he would just smile at her. That same damn, smile every time. She had grown to hate that smile. Not surprisingly he never saw to it. He never invited her to meet his friends, and after six months she still did not know who his friends were. Six painfully blissful months, and Usagi was still in the dark about his life. She looked down and realized that she had bunched her skirt into tiny fists. She knew she was being unreasonable, but she couldn't help it. All the insults and disappointed looks she had tried to ignore over the years had built up in the back of her mind. Her self-confidence was barely holding on, and she needed to know that Mamoru wasn't hiding her because he was ashamed.

"Please Mamo-chan … don't break my heart." Her courage continued to drain as the minutes passed. This was ridiculous. Of course, he wasn't ashamed of her. Why would he be dating her if she embarrassed him? She pushed away from the tree and began pacing. Was this not a betrayal of Mamoru's trust? What good would come out of this surprise? Nothing. That's what. The minutes continued to tick. Was she not just proving that she was an unconfident child by doing this? Was this necessary? Rei and Ami's words trickled through her through her thoughts again. Weren't they the reasonable ones? Yes, they were. She stopped pacing and decided that she was being predictably stupid and paranoid. Her courage dissipated. Inhaling deeply, Usagi quickly turned to walk away but realized it was too late.

Mamoru's tall form came over the hill, and she couldn't help but smile at his relaxed posture. He had a book bag slung over one shoulder, and was joking around with Motoki. A handsome smile spread across his face as he laughed at something the blonde man said. Her trembling stopped as she saw the joy in his face. This man was the love of her life. How could she have doubted him? She watched as Motoki gave a friendly wave before jogging in the other direction away from her - presumably to another class. Usagi tilted her head as she watched the fair man. She'd been irrational. Mamoru had not kept his friends from her. Motoki was proof of that! She quieted the little voice pointing out that she had already been friends with Motoki before Mamoru. It was good enough.

Mamoru was getting closer, and she knew that he would soon spot her. Usually, he would have been able to sense her right away through their link, but she had put up a block in order to prevent him from sensing her. Unfortunately, it meant that she could not sense him either. Mamoru was now a few yards away from her, and was facing in the direction to the left of her. She admired his profile for a second before walking towards him. He really was a beautiful man wrapped in powerful muscles and sinews. She hesitated for a moment as she realized that he had stopped walking. His cobalt eyes kept trained on the horizon. What was he waiting for? Surely he'd seen her through his peripherals by now? It was unlike him to be so inattentive to his surroundings. She prepared herself to call out his name but someone beat her to it.

"Mamoru-chan!"

Usagi's footsteps halted as she looked for the owner of the lovely voice. Her blood chilled as her eyes targeted the exquisite blonde walking over towards her boyfriend with three other people. She assessed the other people first – a woman and two men. The woman had waist length, wavy, reddish-brown hair. A light dusting of freckles ran across her cheeks, and hazel eyes completed the lovely package. She seemed a few inches taller than Usagi. Jealously unfurled within her. She would never be that exotically beautiful. She switched her attention to one of the men. One of the men was as tall as Mamoru. She admired his thick chestnut hair and kind, brown eyes. He was almost as attractive as Mamoru. Almost. The other one was a few inches shorter than Mamoru, and was a bright red head. Usagi wondered if he was related at all to the other girl because similar freckles and eyes graced his face. Amusement and mischief shined in his eyes as he gently placed an arm around the brunette.

Usagi gathered the courage to finally assess the blonde that had called her boyfriend's name. Her tall, slender body was only a head shorter than Mamoru's. A generous bosom peeked out from a modest tank top, and tight jeans accented deep curves. Blonde curls fell elegantly around a small, delicate face. The girl's mouth seemed to be stuck in a permanently perfect pout, and white teeth gleamed out from behind her lovely smile. Dread crept through Usagi and gripped her heart as she finally noticed her eyes. Tilted cat eyes framed shocking gray. She knew without a doubt that this girl was the type of girl everyone imagined Mamoru to be dating. Usagi found herself praying desperately that Mamoru would greet the beauty as he greeted everyone else in his life: distantly. Her prayer went unanswered. She could only watch as Mamoru waved to the group with a large grin.

"Keiko-chan! What took you guys so long?"

Usagi blinked back tears as her boyfriend readily accepted the slender arm wrapping around his. She couldn't watch anymore. Rei and Ami had been right. Nothing good had come out of this. She quickly retreated into the shadows of the tree, and closed her eyes. This had to be some sort of a nightmare. All of her shortcomings burst through the floodgates of her mind. Usagi stared at Keiko-chan as she leaned against Mamoru. Next to that woman, Usagi resembled a child. No curves or breasts. Her eyes were too large for her face, and her mouth too small. Unlike, Keiko there was nothing proportional about her. She was no beauty. She was not smart. Instead, Usagi was clumsy, silly, air-headed, and lazy. There was nothing good about her. She had nothing to offer him but her love. Suddenly, that didn't seem like enough. Despair clawed at her throat as she struggled to keep under control. She cradled her head in her hands as she tried to convince herself that there was an explanation for all of this. She was being unreasonable. Irrational. Just like always.

Suddenly, Usagi's head snapped up and wide, blue eyes met with cold, angry ones. Mamoru's emotions quickly thrummed through her as he pulled away from Keiko: shock, anger, and a trace of guilt. Usagi stood rooted to the ground as she watched her love storm over towards her. She had somehow let down the block during her inner turmoil, and he had sensed her right away. She wanted to run away from him, but she couldn't. Usagi swallowed as he closed the space between them with long, purposeful strides. As he soon as he reached her he grabbed her wrist and pulled her behind the tree.

"What the hell are you doing here, Usako?" Mamoru's midnight blue eyes blazed with quiet anger. She snapped her wrist out of his hand before backing up a few feet. She rubbed the area gingerly, before meeting his eyes. She tried to sense his emotions, but realized that he had put a block as soon as he had reached her. Angered by her silence, he took a step towards her. "Are you skipping school? You know you can't do things like that!"

She jerked back as if hit. How dare he act like she was in the wrong here? Usagi straightened her back and marched over to him. She jabbed at his chest hard with each word. "Don't treat me like a child!"

She pulled back and walked a few feet away before he could reach her. She whirled back around to look at him. She snarled, "What's with the barrier, _Mamo-chan_? Hiding something from me?" He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

"Don't bother with lies! I felt it before you put up the barrier! The guilt! Just what exactly are you feeling guilty about?" Anger was so much easier to handle than heartbreak. Usagi savored it as it continued to build in her heart. Mamoru's friends approached cautiously behind him. She clenched her jaw as she saw Keiko's pretty hand nest on Mamoru's shoulder. There was definitely familiarity between the two.

"Mamoru-chan? What's going on?" Keiko had the nerve to glare at Usagi.

"Yes, _Mamoru-chan_. Please do tell. What is going on here?" Usagi shuddered as she heard her own voice. She had never spoken to anybody in that manner. She glanced at the curious gazes of the others before landing on Mamoru again. She could practically hear Mamoru thinking as he slowly pulled away from Keiko. He ran his hands through his hair before sighing softly. He met her gaze, and said," I'm sorry Usako."

Before she could even ask what he was apologizing for exactly, the barrier was gone. Mamoru's emotions flooded her body, and she took a step back to steady herself. She could feel it now. The guilt, the shame, and the confusion. They seeped through every crevice of her mind and body, and she realized that Mamoru had been safeguarding these emotions even without the barrier. How long had he been hiding this from her? A sob choked passed her lips with one word. "Why?"

His silence revealed more than anything he could have said. Usagi pivoted on her heel, and sprinted away. She needed to get away. She wanted him to come after her. She knew he wouldn't.

There will be more dialogue in the next few chapters, and the other characters will be revealed as well. I hope you enjoyed the story. It's been a while since I've written anything so it may be a bit rusty. Critiques are welcome.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys. Sorry for the late post, I am a slow writer. I want to make sure I'm happy with the chapters before I put it up for the world to see. Anyway on the side note, I realize that the characterization may not go along with the original storyline. I'm taking a bit of creative license here. Also, I want to remind you that I wasn't trying to make Keiko into a perfect woman. Remember, you guys saw Keiko through Usagi's eyes. It is an important fact that I wanted to point out. Enjoy. Reviews are welcome.

* * *

"_I'm sorry Usako…"_

Usagi closed her eyes in an attempt to block out the apology, the memory. Instead, she focused on the park around her. The melodic twittering of birds and soft rustling of the leaves converged into a soothing sound. She could feel her breathing settle, and her body relax under the kaleidoscope of the setting sun. The moon will be rising soon, and so will her strength. Until then, she was left wilting in the shadows of the park. The pain in her chest was unbearable. Who would have known that betrayal would have hurt this much.

She thought back on the past six months, and knew that her insecurities were not for naught. It was hard to hide things from each other because of their link; however, between her denial and Mamoru's ridiculous sense of control all of their problems had been buried beneath their powerful love. Usagi raised her hand to block her eyes as she scoffed. Her friends were jealous of her. She had found her true love, her soul mate. What could she possibly have to complain about? They didn't know. They couldn't know. They couldn't understand. She was sixteen years old, and he was twenty. There were bound to be problems. She was too young. He was too mature. She winced as she remembered all the embarrassed glances and exasperated sighs whenever they were together. Why couldn't she be more like the other girls? Why couldn't she be intelligent like Ami? Poised like Rei?

She gasped as her chest contracted in pain. Tears slid rebelliously down her cheeks, and her lips trembled as she remembered what she really was like. She was an embarrassment to everyone around her. Her lungs contracted and her throat burned as she tried to catch her breath. She couldn't even grieve with grace. A sob tore through her mouth, and her body curled into a fetal position. The grass tickled her cheek and nose as she muffled her sobs with her fist. She had sensed something from the beginning. She knew that Mamoru was ashamed to be seen with her. Who wouldn't be? A chill swept up her body as night began to settle around her. The park was strangely quiet and dark. She didn't care. Her heart thumped painfully against her chest as she cried silently.

Inside her broach, the silver crystal glowed softly in an attempt to soothe her. It felt her pain, but did not know how to heal it. The moonlight Usagi was expecting never showed. Instead, the usually bright satellite was now dreadfully dim against the night sky. The moon was grieving with its princess. The light of the silver crystal encased Usagi's body. Tonight no one but the moon princess will enjoy the soft comfort of the moon.

* * *

Mamoru swore under his breath as he jumped from building to building. Where the hell was she? He glanced from side to side as he frantically searched for Usagi. Deep inside his chest, he could feel a lonely ache where their bond usually resided. There was nothing from her. No sign. No hint of emotion. When did everything go wrong? He thought back to her expression earlier that morning. Her normally vibrant, azure eyes had chilled from anger and fear. He had tried to convince her to go back to school so they could talk later. Then, Keiko had to come into the picture. He felt the exact moment when Usagi began to compare herself to Keiko. He could feel his love's entire insecurities flood through their link. The intensity of her heartbreak forced him to realize that by keeping things hidden, he had made everything worse.

He turned directions and headed to the park again. The scouts had checked the park earlier and said it was clear, but maybe she went afterwards? Ami's computer, surprisingly, was unable to pick up Usagi's signal and they concluded that the silver crystal was probably masking her location. The moon princess wanted to be alone. As soon as Mamoru reached the park, he felt a minuscule twinge in his heart, and he knew that his beloved was here somewhere. He slowed down to a walk because he did not want to scare her. The tiny twinge was annoying. It was just enough to remind him ridiculously stupid he had been. He turned towards the rose garden, and instantly saw a soft white glow in the inky night. He knew it was the silver crystal's glow, and he rushed over to the location. The scene that lay before him knocked the wind out of him. Sometimes, he forgot how utterly beautiful and fragile he soul mate was.

Her silver blond hair lay in ribbons around her slim body, and her tiny heart-shaped mouth parted slightly. Her head rested on top of her hands, and she was an image of moonlit beauty. The soft silver glow was warm and inviting. Mamoru moved a hand towards her, wary of the power of the crystal. The light turned blood red and unbearably hot. He jumped back, and began to pace. He could not very well leave her to sleep in the park, even if the crystal was doing a damn fine job of protecting her. He considered the scouts, but decided against it. From the second they got their hands on Usagi, he wasn't sure when he would see her again. They were furious with him, and he knew that he had messed up. He just wished everybody would stay out of their business. The tuxedo-clad man began to pace back and forth faster. Then, he glanced over towards the sleeping beauty, and noticed that the light had returned to its original comforting color.

Mamoru stopped pacing and ran his hand through his hair. Looking up at the dim moon, the Earth prince dropped to his knees. In a broken, hoarse voice Mamoru pleaded, "I'm sorry. I know I've messed up, but I need your help to help her now. I cannot just leave her to sleep out here. I promise I just want to take her to a safe place to sleep. We need to talk, and I refuse to allow the scouts the opportunity to block her from me. Just let me take her. I could never hurt her intentionally. You know this. We've been through too much for you not to know this!"

Nothing happened and all was quiet. Mamoru slowly sighed. Fine, then he would stay here with her. A soft moan and a bright flash drew his gaze; the crystal had dropped its shield. Whispering a soft thank you to the moon, he walked over and picked up his precious bundle. She was as light as a feather in his arms, and he couldn't help but land a soft kiss on her forehead. No matter the problems they had in their relationship, Mamoru couldn't deny his fierce love for her. Bundling her up in his cape, Mamoru took off for his apartment.

* * *

Mamoru gazed at the clock. 10:00 A.M. He glanced over to the girl still passed out on the bed. How long will she be sleeping? He leaned back into the chair he had slept in, and ran his hand over his face. How had he allowed all of this to go on? He thought back to the group of friends he had left on campus. Keiko had almost followed him, but he waved her off. Her presence would have made everything worse. He thought back to the beautiful woman and groaned. If only she hadn't shown up that day. Maybe everything would have worked out. He would have talked to her, comforted her, and everything would be okay. But then, they would have just returned to the same blissful ignorance beforehand. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. The blessing part has yet to come though.

"…Mamoru?"

He shot up straight into the chair, and was rewarded with the view of a sleepy Usagi rubbing her eyes gently. "H…hey …"

After Usagi had managed to rub the sleep from her eyes, she gazed tiredly at Mamoru. She didn't say anything. Instead, she enjoyed the view of Mamoru before he had the chance to perfect himself. His midnight hair was mussed, his shirt un-tucked, and his pants crinkled. Yet, he still managed to look so beautiful. She sighed softly as the memories from yesterday came trickling in.

Mamoru nervously wiped his hands on his pant leg before standing up slowly. Usagi had not said a word, and now she was gazing down at the floor. "I'll … uh … I'll get you something to eat. I'll be rig …"

"Who is she?"

Mamoru halted in his steps, and turned back around. "Wha … who?"

Usagi tensed in anger. He was still treating her like a child. "Who is she?"

The Earthen prince walked back to the chair, and sat down. He intertwined his fingers and gazed down at his feet. He couldn't look at her. "She is my ex-girlfriend. We dated for a bit, and now it's over. We're just friends now."

"Ex-girlfriend, huh?" Usagi leaned against the headboard, and rested her chin on her knees. "Is that all?"

Mamoru leaned his head back against the wall. Should he tell her the truth? Usagi was silent as he went through his thought process. He knew that this would hurt her more than anything. He closed his eyes, and tried to remember the last time he was Usagi. Her bright smile, her warm hugs, and loving kisses. Why couldn't they go back to that? Mamoru opened his mouth to confirm that Keiko was just an ex-girlfriend when Usagi cut him off.

"Before you decide to go ahead and lie to me, Mamo-chan. I suggest you understand that I cannot take any more lies or half-truths. Whether what you tell me will lead to the end of us or not, you need to stop hiding things from me. It's just not fair to me or to you." Usagi's eyes were steady on him the entire time, and he could feel himself grow smaller and smaller in her clear gaze. He knew she was tapping into her princess persona. She did that whenever she felt like she was in danger, and he could not help but feel disturbed that she felt she needed it in this situation.

Mamoru inhaled deeply and walked over to the balcony, opening them. Some fresh air would do both of them some good. He looked down over at the city below them, and he suddenly felt like how he did right before a major battle. Something dreadful was going to happen, and there was nothing he could do about it. "I've had dreams about you my entire life."

Usagi inhaled sharply at Mamoru's distant voice. Suddenly, she didn't want to know. She knew something was wrong here. Panic gripped her, and she resisted the urge to cover her ears with her hands. She could Serenity's voice whisper encouragements in her heart, and it helped to soothe the tears ready to stream. She wrapped her arms tightly around her knees, and closed her eyes. She will go through this with maturity. She had to.

"Every night you would come into my dreams asking me for the crystal. To save you. To be with you. It was driving me crazy. Yet, you were the only one ever there for me. Not surprisingly I fell in love with you." Mamoru smiled bitterly at this and leaned against the door frame, his eyes still glued to the city below. "Imagine how that was. I was in love with a woman from my dreams. By the time I was in high school, I was so madly in love with you that none of the other girls could ever compare. I didn't notice them. If they weren't you, I didn't want them."

Usagi could feel warmth spread from her toes to the top of her head. Mamoru rarely ever told her he loved her. As a result, every time it happened, it was a dizzying response of joy and shock. Her heart fluttered each time he said love, and she couldn't help the small smile cross her face.

"Then, I met Keiko."

Usagi's smile disappeared. She closed her eyes as she was beginning to come to a horrible realization. Suddenly, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, and she could feel Serenity retreating as well.

"Night after night I dreamt about you." He turned suddenly, rushed over to the bed. He reached out for her hands, but she just pulled further into herself. His voice began to crack. "Keiko did not ask anything of me. She just wanted my friendship, and so at the advice of Andrew, I began to talk to her." Mamoru could see Usagi fighting to keep herself together at this quiet confession.

"She was beautiful, lively, fun, intelligent. She made me live, and helped me pull away from my obsession with my dreams. Then, one night, while we were studying … "Mamoru swallowed thickly, and pulled the resisting girl into his arms, " … we kissed." He could feel Usagi's heart breaking over and over again. She quickly pulled away from him with surprising strength. She took his spot by the balcony doors, and allowed the soft breeze to wipe her tears for her.

She uttered a simple order, "Go on."

Mamoru stood up and walked over to her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he whispered, "That night my dreams about you stopped. There was nothing. No begging. No pleading. No tears." He saw the tears dripping off of Usagi's face, but was too frightened at her silence to wipe them away. "I thought … I thought that because the dreams were gone … that … " Mamoru swallowed thickly at the horrible confession he was about to make. He couldn't get it out.

Usage pulled away from his hands and turned to face him. Large tears rolled down her cheeks as she backed as far away from him as possible. Now it all made sense. The quiet disappointment. The resignation. She wanted to scream at him. She wanted to scream at fate. She wanted to scream at Serenity who had somehow become silent during the explanation. Instead all that came out was a whisper.

"You thought because the dreams were gone that Keiko was me." Then, her face crumpled as she leaned against the railing. "Keiko was what you wanted. Not me."

_"Mamoru-chan, this all feels like a dream." _

_"You are my dream." _

Mamoru felt his heart freeze.

_"Mamoru-chan? Why do you insist on calling me princess?" _

_"Because you are my princess."  
_

Usagi felt her world end.

* * *

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully, I can get the next chapter written soon. I am a slow writer though, so please be patient! I wasn't really happy with the chapter, but I figured I had you guys waiting long enough. I hate it when authors leave cliff hangers ... but the chapter just couldn't end a different way. I hope it's clear that the italics in the end are Mamoru's memories. Hope you enjoyed it!


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